About 6 1/2 years ago, the man who is now my husband lost his wife of 25 years to breast cancer at the age of 56. She was also an alcoholic--not in recovery. As he explains it to me, his grief was two-fold. He could not protect her from cancer, he could not protect her from her own self-destructive behavior.
What helped him was to lean heavily on his higher power.....the only one who could completely understand, accept, absorb, all the anguish and anger he was feeling.
I hope and pray for peace for you and all who have lost a loved one so dear.