nm1212

I'm on my fourth real day of drying out (fifth if you count having had to take a few shots because I was terrified of what I was feeling physically).

I've been to AA. Been through alcohol addiction classes. Have had multiple starts and failures.

Then after this 4th of July weekend I knew I was killing myself. I know you all know what I'm talking about. I was literally killing my body, and it let me know. I wasn't sure if I was going to live on the evening of the 5th. That state I was in wasn't sickness. That's wasn't too drunk. It was something else all together. I was terrified. I was experiencing seizures, hot pains throughout my chest, shaking, & heavy sweating. Every time I started to get into REM sleep the base of my brain at the back of my neck would shoot out, and only way I can describe it, was an electric shock. I really didn't sleep for about two days because of that.

Anyway. It's been a rough 5 days. Massive bloating. Headaches. Shakes. Etc..

That said, I woke up yesterday feeling pretty good. I woke up today feeling like I actually had some energy in the first time in a very long time. I went to the track and walked two miles. It felt great.

Something has changed in me. I cannot & will not drink any more. I used to be a very fit, active, driven 180 lbs man. I've gained 25 lbs & have dazed away the last few years of my life.

Thank you for this forum. I've lurked for a bit. I don't know how much I'll post, but this place gives me something in small doses that I need at the right amount I need.

- nm1212