for this post.
I've really struggled with this, unexpectedly for the past week in a really vicious way.
I knew I wanted off that d*mn oxy train. And I WAS going to do it. I did it. It was hell and I came out of it on the other side less than a week later.
The 2nd week it's been all i think about. My rituals. My day. When I would do them, how I would do them, what mixtures of pills and when....and I couldn't figure out why because I wanted off and now I was so wtf gives??
Today for the first time I have woken up (albeit waaaay too early) to NOT have a craving. AMAZING.
And yet....I know it will take time for the 'habit' to pass.
I think the dreams that started a few days ago were the worst....dreams of finding pill bottles everywhere....pills spilling out....me terrified and scooping them up....frantic to be discovered....never taking them though. Thank you Carl Sagan I never put that crap up my nose but i would chew my pills like tic tacs.
Amazing...for the first time I can write and not want. It really does get better every day.
I spent yesterday afternoon cleaning out my room. Pill bottles hidden everywhere along with rx receipts and the like. Holy crap that set off some serious panic
but I just kept throwing that mess AWAY.
Thank you again for posting. At this moment I feel good and strong but another wave shall come and I'll want those blues. That nasty oxy that I wont' ever go back to...and I force myself to remember that.
sorry for rambling...it's too early! need more coffee...
stay strong!