I get that "want to drink" "want not to drink" paradox. It's awful--not least because the easier route is just to drink so you don't have to think about it anymore. But then you return to "want not to drink." So stay there.
A few weeks ago, during my relapse "circus," someone said that it only takes maybe five or ten minutes to overcome an urge. So make yourself a deal, if you hit a big trigger, wait 30 minutes before DECIDING whether to act on it. Put the decision off and do something in the meantime. If you do that enough you will overcome this.
And get all the alcohol out of the house. All of it. No matter what.