Dear Angie, I have certainly been where you are today. It is a horrible place to be in life. You are right in that you need to get your ducks in a row to prepare for the worst, and be ready to make a move when you have your finances and other things in order. There was a time for me where I also knew what I needed to do, but wasn't prepared to do it. As time goes on, you will get to that place where you can make a solid move. In the meantime, do feel free to share here.
One thing that would be very helpful now would be to separate your finances from your husband. I split every household bill strategically and worked from my own accounts to pay my part of the bills. It was hard for me to make this move since we had always had our finances together. Thankfully through this I was able to save my credit, etc.
It is also helpful to make boundaries that you can deal act on. I.e. if someone comes around that you do not know, that has dealings with your spouse, call the cops. I know this happened to you, it happened to me. I finally got strong and told these people to leave...and if they didn't leave I was prepared to call the law.
I quit allowing my children to ride in vehicles alone with him. This was difficult since I work full time, etc. but I made it happen. In reality it was necessary to get this figured out before I was on my own because then I wouldn't have a choice then.
I quit talking to his mom about things. This was hard because she is also codependent in my opinion and we fed off of one another. Before I made any hard moves, his parents told me I had their full support. Once I made my legal move, that all changed! Blood is thicker than water...and they were getting a different story from him and that is what they wanted to believe. This hurt really bad, but I had to dust myself off and continually tell myself that I was making the right moves for me and my kids whether they believed me or not.
The reality is that your husband, after 10+ years of being an addict will likely never be able to do anything to change this situation on his own. He needs treatment. Especially with opiates, the withdrawals are physical, so he will have to detox first in order to change his circumstances. I hope and pray he chooses the right path for all of yours sake. But as you said, you can hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.
****{HUGS}}}