I agree it does suck being a child of an AF. As I look back on life I see how much that played a role in my thoughts and actions. When I try to put the pieces together of how and why my marriage is at the stage it is I remember like you how there were signs of the narcissistic A my husband is today even way back when we first started dating (we were teens).BUT I also have to remember there were many good times too that kept me in love and wanting to be with him. Way back then I could have never understood what a horrible disease alcoholism is and how it would very slowly take over my husband and our marriage. Facing reality of what he is I am finding very difficult, but at least now I no longer question how we got to this place in our lives.
Try not to beat yourself up on not seeing the signs way back when. We were both young, naive and in love. I'm sure we did the best we could with the life skills we had at the time.