Welcome to SR......you've found a wonderful forum full of people who know the chaos and anxiety of loving an addict/alcoholic.
My son is currently homeless. He sleeps on people's couches or in his car. It is sad but I just couldn't live with active addiction in my house. We tried that. It was bad for him and bad for me. My serenity is too important to me. My marriage is too important to me. My life is too important to me. I was allowing my son to damage all of those things. It had to stop.
When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll be able to do what you need to do to find serenity. For me, I found it in the rooms of Alanon and Naranon (I go to both). I read everything I can get my hands on. I do what I need to do to keep myself healthy. There are other people who love me and need me.....not just my son.
I love him so very much but my love can't cure him. I had to detach and allow him the opportunity to find himself. I pray daily that he will. He has been through rehab (out patient twice and in patient twice) so I know he has the tools for recovery when he's ready.
We understand your pain. We understand your concern. When you're ready for things to get better, they can get better....but I won't lie to you.....it's hard. I work the program that I wish my son would work and I do it every single day. But as a result of my hard work, I am able to find serenity.....even though my son continues to use.
gentle hugs from another mom
ke