Originally Posted by
vj5386 
(he lost his job and had to move back in with my husband and I).
This was a missed opportunity to learn the skills necessary to stand on is own 2 feet. You are not his only alternative.
He goes attend NA meetings for the most part and returns home motivated, but things don't change. I don't expect drugs at this time, he has 3-4 months ago, took Xanax, drank and had a seizure; since then I have seen no other evidence other than Suboxon film now and then. This week he drank a beer and realized he couldn't stop and became very frustrated.
Sounds like he is going through the motions which is not recovery. Taking Xanax and drinking is not recovery. Seems like he is looking for something to replace his drugs of choice.
Please tell me how to get back to this site so that I can read your help. Thanks in advance.
You are at soberrecovery.com. This is the friends and family of substance abusers forum, aka codependents.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. You cannot make or will him to change. You can however, change
your reaction and approach, going forward.
You are not his only option.
Your house-your rules.
Is he currently working and paying you room and board? Does he pay child support? Who pays for the car, insurance, cell phone and the subs?
Consider giving him 30 days notice to find somewhere else to live. A sober living envirnment is a good option. Let him do the work and find a place. Give him the dignity of experiencing adult life and consequences for his choices.
He will likely pitch a tantrum to end all tantrums. Bummer, eh. Maybe his lack of action will mean
he chooses to live on the streets, in a car or in a homeless shelter. Remember, it's his choices and his consequences and likely his only shot at gaining some maturity.
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.
Get out of his way and let him figure it out. If not now, when? 38? 48? 58?