hello, my name is ALLY and to be completely honest i do have an addiction to narcotics, alcohol, and longing for acceptance through my mother and men. All i want is for my mother to accept me and not betray my trust. Example, she is really good at manipulating me into thinking she actually wants to listen and give advice, but then as soon as a disagreement comes up she throws it in my face. Pretty much, she calls it tough love and i call it verbal abuse. Consatantly telling me when i was younger that i was a **** and a ***** and worth nothing and honestly after you hear it so much you tend to start believe it. Now, that i think about it i take it as her being insecure with herself and her depression/bi-polar illnesses. I have been put through a lot in my life things that no child should endure. As far as sexual abuse by my mother's ex-boyfriend. I have only told a few people in the confidence that they will not judge me. I have a lot of supressed feelings towards my mother. Well, her mother did not have a mother because she died when my grandmother was 4. Honestly, i feel that my mother is numb as far as her feelings about her childhood. I was told that is was no prize to live with. So, istead of having that nurturing feeling that a mother should have towrds her child she seriously blamed my mother for causing her to have a mental breakdown when she up and impulsively moved out bc she couldnt take the aspect of control. So, needless to say i have become a product of my own environment and my thoughts. Honestly , i run through men like the fact that my mother and father divorced when i was around 6-7 and honestly i am just coming to accept the fact that my dad really did try he just couldn'y deal with her control. And i seriously talk and walk on eggshells around her bc she scares me and i know she knows bc i told her but she preys on it.