Thank you all for your responses-
Its 2AM and am watching baby sleep while my sis rests.
There is a nurse who should be doing that but she is also sleeping... good grief...
Coincidentally I am reading a book from Elisabeth Kubler Ross, and she says "It is very important for you to do what you really enjoy to do, only that way will you bless life when your death is near"
Death.. I am afraid of death, but more than that I am afraid of seeing my family suffer, and am afraid of my own suffering.
Today I had a "in a funk" day but tomorrow will be a new day.