dbh

That's the million dollar question for me.

I've been working on my ACA recovery for over three years and it has helped me so much. Much of my initial anxiety had to due with my ACA traits. I was codependent and a huge people pleaser. I was spending a lot of my time worry about other people's problems, trying to control, and make everyone happy. Such an exhausting job! I've been able to let go of a lot of that.

I've worked through most of my issues with my alcoholic father and was able to be with him when he died last year. I hope that I was able to help him die with dignity.

I still have these underlying mood swings though. They don't happen nearly as frequently but I'm still having them. Also, simple tasks and situations can still fill me anxiety. Again, not as much as it used to happen but often enough that it gets in the way of me leading the life that I want.

I wonder how much is due to my upbringing and how much is due to my own body chemistry. When I'm feeling anxious/depressed my thoughts seem to be centered around not feeling good enough, not feeling appreciated/loved enough, and frustrated with my life. Still find that I'm not happy with who I am. No matter what I accomplish or achieve, I always seem to focus on what I haven't done. This makes me think that I have some more recovery work to do and that I have to let myself feel some of these uncomfortable emotions.

Thanks for letting me share.

db