Wow, I'm awed by the wisdom in these posts.
I had a slightly different experience - I'm the ONLY non-drinker that is in my ABF's inner circle. I had to figure out a way to tell him and his family that I wouldn't be going to family events where people got drunk. He was so embarrassed - he thought I was being incedibly rude to put qualifications on my hosts. Well, yeah, I can see that. But I don't think anyone wants a wet blanket at their party, and I was really, really uncomfortable. He told his mom, and she said to me (jokingly), "So all we have to do to keep you away is to get drunk?!" And they actually started cutting way back on the alcohol. Sometimes I stayed away. Sometimes I left early.
The whole thing was so much easier once I started talking about it.
- Sylvie