Originally Posted by Smallsteps

This is a slightly different take on the situation.

I told AH last Thanksgiving that I won't be his designated driver anymore. So if he wanted to come to my family's Thanksgiving dinner and drink, he needed to be responsible for getting himself there and back. Same with any other event where he wants to drink. And by drink, I mean have so much as a single sip of alcohol.

He accepted this boundary and I haven't had to remind him about it since the initial awkward conversations over the holidays.

He stayed home last Thanksgiving but has participated without drinking in a few other family events. And my family knows about the situation, which helps.

If we go out somewhere and he drinks, I'm prepared to drive off without him or get a cab for myself and the kids. I haven't had to do this yet, but I will if I need to. If he gets drunk and acts like a fool, it's not my problem. And if he gets smashed and hops in his car, I'll call 911. This would have terrified me a year ago, but not now.

So instead of asking him not to drink when we visit family or go out, I made it about my needs (i.e., not being his taxi service or babysitter). I just wish I'd done it years ago.

Take care.