Welcome to SR....this is a wonderful forum full of people who understand what it's like to love an addict.
Your heart hurts...it comes through in your post clearly. Although we often feel like they are doing this "to us", they aren't. They are suffering from a disease. That's not making excuses for them.....it's just a fact. And like any disease, if they don't treat the disease, it progresses. But we can't take their "medicine" for them and hope that it makes them better. They've got to want to do it for themselves. And there is nothing that we can say or do that will make them seek treatment or recovery. They either will or they won't and it's entirely up to them.
So what can you do to stop the pain? I can tell you what works for me. And that is.....I work the program that I wish the addict in my life would work. And I do it like my life depends upon it....because for me.....it does. Relief for me came in the rooms of Alanon and Naranon and it took a long time for me to "get it". I just did what they told me to do......I kept going back until the stuff that was being read and said started to make sense.
I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now.
gentle hugs
ke