I think its nice to consider the fellow in your plans ( although won't the wife and kids feel left out?). But a couple of things jump out at me froms your post(s)
Why must you be anyone at all? Why must YOU be the one to help everyone in need? If the focus is on everyone else, who helps you?
I bring this up to stress the point that one of the biggest mistakes many of us ( me included) make is to believe that we can control anything or anyone but ourselves. Its great that you support your wife but that can also be done silently and through actions not words, and one of the best actions tends to be self care.
As long as the focus is on everyone else and not ourselves we remain stuck. And sometimes while we're running around trying to fix and suggest and understand, others are healing and come out the other end of the chaos stronger, and we feel like a truck ran over us.
I've been there...just a few words of experience.
((Hugs))