Wow 8 kids! Whoo hoo!
I'm glad you reached out here, no need to apologize for posting how you feel or what you're thinking.
You are not alone by any means.
I had the obsessive thoughts big time right away and I still have them at 47 days but not as badly. I have to say that the minute I start to think, "I can never drink again," I shut myself up and focus on not drinking TODAY. I can't think past today because I get all freaked out. The disease will tell you to drink, don't listen to it. This stuff will kill you and by what I've read you have a whole heck of a lot to live for!
Have you seen any medical professional? Coming off that much alcohol can be dangerous.