4 weeks
Funny, huh? I never really thought I'd make it this far. The longer I go, though, the more I start to think about the "future" (as opposed to just "don't drink today/tonight"), and that's still a hard one for me. I picture upcoming events: hanging at the beach with my alcoholic (still drinking) brother and my mother who is now confined to a wheelchair and watching my Dad do everything for her. . .and not drinking; throwing my husbands 40th birthday party complete with full bar, band and bonfire. . .and not drinking; selling my company for a crap-ton of money. . .and not drinking.
I can KIND OF picture each event individually but the thought of the me that will not ever drink again is so foreign to me, it's impossible for me to picture that person.
For years and years (decades, actually) I was defined by being that party girl, the one who could drink the guys under the table, always up for a wild and crazy time, you know me, right? So I need to completely redefine myself and I am not sure what I want that to look like. I just can't really picture it right now.
Funny, I don't really want to drink (though on Sunday when my old boozer girlfriend broke out the bottle of Absolute at her pool party I had to high-tail it from her house quick), I just can't picture what my life looks like NOT drinking (permanently). I guess I need to figure out what that looks like if I'm going to make it. And I sure as hell don't want to go through days 1 - 14 again.
Just rambling thoughts here, not very eloquent, but thanks for listening. I come here every night, sometimes I post, sometimes I respond, sometimes I just read. Regardless of which, you all help me every night just by being here. Thanks for being a part of me saving my life.
Sweet, and sober, dreams to you all.