Music has been so important to me these past few years. This part:
Like vomit, I want it out of me and on to him.
brought
"Outta Me, Onto You" by Ani DiFranco to mind. Small excerpt:
it's gonna be sudden
it's gonna be strange
i'm gonna turn on a dime
give you five cents change
it's gonna be long
overdue
it's all gonna come out
outta me, on to you
outta me, onto you...
one of these days
you're gonna push too hard
we'll go on like we've always done
'til you go too far
yeah one of these days
it's gonna reach the top
then it's gonna start to spill
and it's not gonna
stop
outta me, onto you...
Pretty much anything by Ani DiFranco helps me vent. or Alice in Chains' Angry Chair....
The other thing I do when I'm feeling angry, but not really able to verbalize what's going on, is to break out the plain paper and big black charcoal or oil crayons. (Just big smeary, messy...) If it turns out that I have to write I HATE XAAH in charcoal so often that the page turns black, I do that - when DS is with his father or otherwise occupied elsewhere. I recently bought DS a giant 'floor pad' of paper and am considering swiping part of it or going to buy my own.
A left over from my life with XAAH: I clean. The room I focus on becomes SPOTLESS. I've realized that this is actually a bit of a rebellion, a bit of standing up for myself. XAAH would not let me clean while he was home (I was interrupting his game on purpose, I was trying to make him feel guilty, blah, blah, blame....). When we'd get into an argument and he'd storm out of the house "so [he] wouldn't hit" me, I'd start cleaning.
And now for something completely OT:
M1k3 - 
I really want to share:
1. I always read your handle as knitting shorthand: make 1, knit 3 - instead of Mike.
2. While reading the post about digging a hole, I had sad, sad visualizations of the poor plants whose roots touch the hole just withering and dying or turning into a scary horror-movie-tree. *shudder*