My anger hit me out of no where about 8 mths after everything blew up. It was right around the holidays and I was at work. I was so angry I could not work. I started listing items that I was angry about....NO EDITING. I sent this as an email to myself back and forth for about three weeks. After writing it for hours I got some relief and got some work done (no chance prior to that).
I printed out the letter and brought it with me to counseling appts, to Al-anon meetings. I asked for anger to be a topic at meetings. It helped a lot. It was the first time since I was a little kid that I got "shaking mad." So mad that I could not see straight.
I also read a book about anger and another about forgiveness that helped. I reviewed (online) the cycle of grief and it helped me to feel safe that it was not going to be there "forever." I learned something called the Emotional Freedom Technique which seemed to help.
Lastly I was told this quote and it seemed to help too. "Anger is Depression turned outward, and Depression is Anger turned inward." It helped me to decide that anger in that moment was much safer for me then what I had always done before and turn it in inward. At least this was not trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results.