Originally Posted by
nandm 
Welcome to SR
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES:
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO:
* A sponsor can not keep us in recovery
* A sponsor is not our therapist.
* A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependance.
* A sponsor should not take advantage of us or exploit us in any way.
Just my opinion but it sounds to me like the sponsor of your wife has not only encouraged an unhealthy dependance but also taken advantage of the vulnerability that comes when one trusts a sponsor enough to do the Twelve Steps by developing a romantic relationship with her. That is one reason that having a female to male sponsorship is discouraged.
Please do not think that this is appropriate or the norm in any Twelve Step program as it is not. I am truly sorry for your negative experience and pray that you will be able to move past this and ultimately find peace and happiness in your life again.
Thanks for your response, I do have a rather basic understanding, when my wife first started going to meetings I wanted to understand what she was going through so I could be there for her. Basically I did research on the InterNet, but I spent a lot of time with my therapist over it, she's helped me get a basic understanding, plus the talks I had with her father helped. I know I will never truly "get it" unless I've experienced it, but I'm also not completely out of the loop.
I also understand the discouraging the female/male sponsorship, however in my wife's case the point is moot, lets just say they didn't break that "rule".
I feel so bad right now, it's so obvious she's being taken advantage of, and yet she's be so completely manipulated she's not open to hearing me out, it's killing me to see this happen to her when there is nothing I can do to help her, she's my best friend and I promised I'd be there for her through this process, and I'm letting her down, there's only so much I can do, she needs to see for herself what's happened, she thinks she's on the road to recovery, I think she got led down that dirt road to no where.