forgotten1,
I am struggling with the same dilemma. I am moving across the country in about a month and am debating whether I want to see XABF to get some of my things from him before leaving. I keep going back and forth in my head about it, and it looks like you are struggling with thinking about it a lot as well.
I don't think there is a clear answer or a "right" way to handle it. My method for deciding whether or not I want to do it might help you though? All I do is sort of take a poll of do it or don't do it over many different days and times. That way I can see what true action I would like to take emerge and it is less colored by chance ups and downs in emotion. Maybe that's something you could try?