Welcome Talia. Have you read any articles in the archives portion of SR? There is some really good stuff there that might help you understand the roles we play in an addict's life. Lightbulbs came on for me anyway. I know personally how hard it is to let go but it is absolutely essential in order to change our lives and stop the chaos and pain.
Good luck in your journey. Keep posting. There is wonderful support here from people who have been there and done that.