talia

I am trying to detach from a relationship. It's very hard to let go. I was involved in a long-distance relationship. I have co-dependency issues. The person I was involved with is what I know now to be an addicted "love avoidant". Our involvement has been off and on again for 6 years. Our involvement began again late last year. It ended last month. I am learning how our own issues played off each each other. I know now that it is time for me to heal my wounds so that I can learn to love myself. I think it happened for the purpose of me doing that. I know I put all my focus on this relationship with the hope of him loving me back and avoided facing my own issues. I believed him when he told me he didn't have a problem with alcohol or drugs. It was obvious from the start again that he couldn't/wouldn't develop a meaningful relationship. I of course, wanted to believe he could/would because of the "carrots" he threw out. The only relationship it seemd he was interested in was a physical one. That's when he would tell me he loved me "unconditionally". I at one time said that I couldn't do that and just remain friends and if he wanted a friendship then thats what we would have,but that I can't be intimate and remain "just" friends. My intentions were clear. My only intention was to be loved back. I didn't want to fix him,cure him,or help him. That seems to be a co-dependancy issue I don't have. In the end, my core issue of abandonment was triggered. After months of being involved with him, he told me that he was attracted to someone and wanted to pursue that.He also told me he was in rehab. That's when I knew that all along he did have an addiction and that he lied about it not being an issue. I ignored all the signs.

I know that he is not healthy emotionally because of his addictions and I know what his role in this relationship for me has been. As long as I was focused on him, I didn't have to face my own issues. It was my own drug. But in the end, I knew that it was time now to heal my wounds. I cannot ignore tham anymore.

I love this person. He has a lot of good qualities that I was attracted to. He was always attentive and loving while I was actually with him. But the rest of the time I was ignored.

I still want to maintain contact and am trying hard not to do anything. Keep on detaching. But I have this question that only he can answer and for whatever reasons I can't let go of it.

Maybe someone here can please help with it or tell me why I should or shouldn't ask it. I want to know what "role" I played? What need did I fulfill for him? Why did he involve me again in his life when he knew so clearly that a relationship in a healthy way was not something he was going to purse with me? Why go there with me at all? He knew what my intentions were. Does he really not know how much pain I felt? What was I to him??...

Why do I want this answered? Why can't I just let it go?

Can anyone here help me?

thank-you for reading this and if you have any responses for me..this is my first post.