thank you luvindaisy
i go back and forth between listening to my feelings and not listening.
because, when i felt "defensive" and nervous around my ex when I ran into him or when we were in the middle of the roller coaster ride and i was ignoring my anxiety back then... i realized that was my subconscious telling me what to do by my PHYSICAL symptoms because... i was essentially ignoring my feelings which led to my being in denial and ignoring reality.
SOOOO... when i feel anxiety and physical symptoms regarding him and actually wanting to establish contact... how is it that all of a sudden i shouldn't listen to THOSE feelings?
shouldn't we listen to our feelings? i understand the "codie" situation if you were still in denial of reality and if you're wanting to 'save' etc... but why is it that EVERY action has to be "codie" behavior? my therapist and i don't even talk about that. i have a very firm grasp of reality--otherwise i would be acting on every impulse, which i'm not. im not wanting to establish contact so that i can get back together at this instant... ignoring all the facts. im wanting to establish contact--approach it as an adult--talk about the sadness of the facts-but to leave with him knowing that i am not walking away from him--that i am leaving my door open for whatever type of connection it would be.
i've been having anxiety that i've been ignoring for a VERY LONG TIME now all because i want to establish contact.
i think, on this forum, we are very quick to judge ourselves... when really, the codie-alcoholic relationship was a study (im a scientist, btw) done a long time ago... and has evolved... i see that it does have some valid points and is long-established and yes, it's healthy to look into our own behaviors. however, not EVERY alcoholic relationship would fall into that category--they found a CORRELATION--statistically speaking, scientists take that with a grain of salt. and ok, if we were all codies at some point--im pretty sure that we've all done a lot of soul-searching that not every action regarding our As in our lives would necessarily just mean "codie". if we do that, you start seeing that in EVERYONE--and that's not fair to the human experience.