I drank because alcohol made me feel happy!
I was a happy, overindulged, youngest child. I came to believe, I should be happy ALL of the time. As I grew older and life became more complex I found liquid happiness, sure it let me down from time to time but hey nothing's perfect right? I simple could not see that I was giving my whole being up, in the vain attempt to be happy all the time by drinking. Even when I depressed and had suicidal ideations I could not imagine being happy without alcohol. So I think the question of why I began to drink has little to do with my recovery. I now am beginning to feel genuine happiness and I do remember it. I understand that it is not my God given right to be happy ALL the time. I realize that recovery and learning to live my life are most important issues, and if there is happiness it is a gift. So let me not forget gratitude.