I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were dysfunctional as were theirs. I married a dysfunctional man and together we made for an extremely dysfunctional marriage. I was depressed as a teen. It was then when I discovered alcohol creating that "false" euphoric feeling of happiness I was lacking. I later drank in my marriage to escape my unhappiness. My marriage ended and I was left with myself and all of my pain and resentments. There was no doubt that I needed to make changes from within, heal from my past. I could quit drinking, but would still have heavy baggage. It was after I quit drinking and worked through my "issues" I finally found myself and true happiness. Perhaps I drank to drink and it became a bad habit, but it certainly took a turn for the worse. I definitely am an alcoholic. If I had not been, I would have been an unhappy sober person. Being an alcoholic forced me to take a deep look at myself and work on fixing all that was broken. I don't know if I ever would have done that had it not been for my alcoholism. I drank to heal the pain, to escape, to forget, but it didn't work on doing any of that. It brought all of it to the surface. There is also the fact of lacking the "switch", the ability to stop. I remember being so drunk and hating what I was doing to myself and what I had become. I was disgusted and the entire time I was thinking all of this I was reaching for my glass to drink more. I thought how drunk to you have to be? It is weird...there is so much more to it than just liking to drink.