I have found it impossible to go No Contact with grace because my STBXAH doesn't hear anything I have to say! I would tell him I didn't want contact but then he'd call my home phone a dozen times while my kids were trying to sleep so I'd get it and get hooked in to a conversation. Or he'd call and say he had an "important business matter" to discuss. Or my children would call him and he'd bug them to put me on the phone. Like a total sucker, I got hooked in a half dozen times or so.
I finally got it, I have not talked to him at all for about ten days. It's been great! I blocked the phone, blocked the emails, when he makes the kids hand me the phone I gently take it from them and hang up. He is very mad. He is not used to not getting his way at all. So, I guess my point is even if you try to handle it gracefully the alcoholic is still going to take it badly, so it doesn't really matter what you do. Do whatever makes you feel better.