Hi and welcome. Your tragic story touches a soft spot with me as I have recently gone through surgery and have been living with pain for a couple months now. Hard to know what to do about it - there's a a fine line between pain management, physical dependence and addiction and once you cross that line, it's hard to cross back. Not impossible. But nearly.
There are many tragic stories here. All of them are unique but they all have a very common thread - WE are unhappy. WE need to make changes in our lives because WE cannot make the addict change who they are and what they are doing.
Have you heard of Alanon? It's a face to face support group that may be very helpful for you.