Enjoyed your post...well written and moving.
I think you need to take a break from the mates and the regular routine for a while. You need to take it one day at a time and find other, healthier things to keep you active. Getting skinny is a good one - lots of rewards there for you. I recently lost 20 pounds or so by following a diet from Tim Ferris' book - The Four Hour Body.
You could check out a couple of AA meetings to see if it is your cup of tea - lots of people find the support that they need there.
Keep posting...you've got me interested in your recovery. You seem like a good person that deserves to get better and I like to see you do it.