I would like my husband to be involved in my recovery, but in the beginning he said no, it is my problem. He offered no support whatsoever and said he would NOT keep liquor out of our house. In the beginning he drank heavily on weekends and told me how good the wine tasted. He waved bottles in my face and told me I how boring I was sober. As the months went by he said AA was a cult and he thought they were brainwashing me.
I would SO totally give your wife high fives. The most difficult part of my early recovery was my husbands refusal to accept my alcoholism. When it comes down to it, he HATED my alcoholism, but he wanted to hold on to the hope that I could still drink normally. And of course he felt shame. A deep sense of shame that his wife was flawed, sick. That is not what he had counted on.
sigh. It was a hell of a rough trip in the beginning.
Now, 3 years on, after my first AA meeting, things are a little different.
He is not so suspicious of AA anymore. He sees it now as part of my schedule and he reminds me on the days of my meetings and asks me if I am going. He has become kinder and more supportive. He has accepted that AA is my lifeline.
AA is no longer a cult to him. When I once reported that someone at a meeting talked about the cost of strollee lawn fertilizer, his ears perked up and I guess somewhere inside, he realized that AA people are just normal people after all.
well, normal, normal...not normal when it comes to alcohol.
And, maybe I have become kinder and more supportive to him as well, because I have changed completely as a person by working the 12 step program. Maybe a little bit is rubbing off on him. Our marriage has improved 100%.
If I could wish for the stars, I would like my husband to be involved with my recovery. Yet, I know he won't be. It is just not what he wants to do. Maybe your wife doesn't want it that way. either. Maybe she wants it to be her personal journey.
The best way to find out what to do? Talk to her. Ask her if she wants you to be involved in her recovory.