Originally Posted by
sojourner 
And on reading my post earlier today, there's another thing (it seems to me) that happens in the more functional systems - that individuals can take on different roles. Maybe for a time the one who is the class clown (usually the youngest) moves into the smart, responsible, angelic-role which then forces the one who is usually the angel to take on some other role or at least not be so angelic. The important thing is the fluidity of the thing. Nobody is locked into something forever. Everybody becomes a jack-of-all-trades in the family dynamics. Then adult maturity comes and there's another role....
Not sure if I'm rambling a little here, but this is my frustration. Taking the popular saying that people treat you how you teach them to, I told my family in the nicest possible way that this behavior had to stop (specifically that time, I was referring to my sister's two years of holiday rages aimed at me/my daughter.) First I was ignored. Then I was told by my father it was my fault and all my supposed flaws thrown in my face that 'force' people to treat me poorly (for the record, I have no trouble like this outside my family.)
When it became obvious from his attitude that she would be allowed to continue behaving like that (it was he who told me to sit down that Christmas and said nothing to her while she continued to rage and scream at me), I quit going to family gatherings. Then came her apology quickly followed by..."but you have to admit your part in it" followed by a list of my flaws as a human being and parent.
Now, they all simply ignore me at extended family gatherings.
So much for standing up for myself.
Oh, well, at least I'm not still going to family gatherings and being screamed at. My sister won't behave like that with extended family watching, because they're not in the loop and might actually be turned off by it.
Because they didn't witness it, she is no doubt describing it to them as she tried to pass it off even to me, who was the target of it: "I merely pointed out a few things."