Hi griswold,
As it's been said before, I'm sorry you found us but happy you did. You have an unbelievable team here to lean on. There's a good amount of men in the same shoes. There are many double winners here and their perspective is priceless.
Now that you're here, keep reading and writing. It does help. Sometimes the responses you'll get will be difficult but in time the fog will clear. I know it will.
There are a few things that have helped me tremendously.
1 - A few people have mentioned Al-Anon.
2 - The 3C's have been outlined. Learn them and own them. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.
3 - A good book to read is Codependent No More - Melodie Beatty.
4 - Put yourself first. Your kids second.
Finally, take it easy on yourself. Feeling guilty about what happened 3 months ago won't do you any good. It's the shoulda, woulda, coulda game. We all play it and in a negative light, it does not help. I currently struggle with this myself. All you can do is take it day by day and do the next right thing.