All I know is that I have wasted a lot of time and emotional energy in my life trying to either change my partner or change myself to fit my partner's needs....neither one worked very well and only ended up building a ton of resentment and bitterness.
I finally figured out (after 50 years on the planet--slow learner) that you either accept the situation or you don't and it's that simple. Acceptance sets you free.
(That's not to say that an attempt at marriage counseling isn't worth the effort--IF both parties are open and willing to do the work. In my experience marriage counseling felt like I was dragging a 200# bag of potatoes behind me as I tried to find the path to a better life.)