How do these roles get 'assigned?'
Another just curious, because I'm not sure if it ultimately matters. But a real eye-opener for me was seeing the chart on family roles in the alcoholic family and seeing that the second child is so often made the scapegoat that it's even in the chart.
For the record, by the time I graduated from high school, I often 'joked' that if I were in church saying the Rosary and got raped, my mother would find some way to say it was my fault. (Pretty funny joke, huh? :-( ) Over the years, I have been falsely accused, and blamed for absolutely insane things. (I've mentioned in other threads my father blaming me for his marital problems and for making him look bad to the neighbors, ignoring the fact that he'd just been beating up my mother.)
But I'd like to know, why is it typically the second child who becomes the scapegoat? Why do the 1st, 3rd, and 4th typically fall into the roles they do? I keep searching lately for reasons. Was I more outspoken than my older sibling? Is it something about the traits of a second child? I have come to suspect I have at least a touch of ADHD--is that why I got blamed for so much, because I had a hard time sitting still in church???
And why in the world does it continue into my 40's?
To put this in perspective, I was an honor student, never smoked, never drank, never broke curfew, never had loud or rude or obnoxious friends, was active in school activities, talented, used my talent, etc. Today, I'm well-educated, well-spoken, have a good job, excel at it and am respected professionally, am raising kids that everyone else sees as good kids...yet somehow, my entire family is still letting me know how I'm upsetting them, and not quite up to snuff, to the point I finally walked away. Now they're mad I walked away!
It is so illogical! How does this happen? What are they thinking?