When its over, it's over, marriage itself is a financial arrangement. You can love another without getting married. Divorce is nothing but dividing up the assets and ironing out the child care issues. That's it. When divorce is contemplated the emotion side of the relationship has already been addressed.
You seem to be hooked on the fact that you never wanted to be divorced again. Well, the only way to insure that, is to never get married again. Once you marry, you are risking everything, there are no guarantees.
I am sorry that you are upset, although I do not understand why, to me, it doesn't make any difference who files, my mindset is, get it over and move forward with my life. I do not want to keep myself in a self imposed prison with invisable bars.
Just my 2 cents.