The 'Soulmate' Trap
Hi everyone,
I've been doing abit of reading of past threads as I make my way through this new journey with the alcoholic I have aquired in my life. I've noticed the same things flag up again and again, a common thread of relationship beginnings and the dynamic between the addict and the co-dependant/new partner.
I was wondering if everyone has had a similar type of experience with regards to their addict and the basis of how their relationship formed. there seems to be a pattern with non-alcoholic women being strong, vivacious indpendant people at least on the outside, coupled with an initially attentive charismatic drinker.
In my recent experience I am the strong independant non-alcoholic, I was in a solid relationship with a non-alcoholic but we had some issues. My drinker friend of 4 years peered in from the edge and commented with longing and envy as to how 'together' I seemed, flattered me with his attention, confided in me (the honesty trap) - of course without telling me he was an RA who was in relapse. As I began to reciprocate his apparent trust in me by sharing my frustrations with my own partner, he turned up the dial, exponentially increased our facetime and lunchdates, texted me, talked to me online for hours at a time in the evenings.
I had 'thought' 4 years a long enough period to assess the genuine nature of this person. I've noticed alot of women (predominantly) talking about the amazing 'connection' they felt to their alcoholic, the way he most often pursued them, wooed them, established their desire in an ultimately cruel 'tag and release' kind of method. And then the trail goes cold.
I have struggled personally with this soulmate trap, the stories I've read over and over fit my situation perfectly. How do other women/men feel about the sexual intimacy they have experienced with their addict, has this contributed to the death grip on a bad situation they should rationally leave? I know that for me, the physical intimacy was profound, intense and passionate, and its left a stain. At present this last irrational feeling is whats causing me to hold on.
Thoughts?