TuffGirl, It seems to me you want the divorce but you don't want the drama. I feel the same way. I accept it doesn't matter who files there will be drama so I have come up with an action plan. Step 1 was move out. Step 2 is to try and get her to give up the 2 bedroom apartment and go to a 1 bedroom. This step is not a showstopper as I can handle the extra rent until a divorce happens but would be nice. Step 3 is to start separating the financials. Get my own accounts and credit cards. Just starting with this. Step 4 is see the lawyer. I have no timeline for this but it is easier if I work through the checklist. Each step leads logically to the next. I'll let you know how this works out but I intend to be done by this time next year.