Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
I won't file because I don't want a divorce, I want the marriage I thought I was getting.
Like Shellcrusher, this stood out for me. On introspection it's completely what kept me from filing for the 2 years after I'd left XAH. I wanted the dream, the could-have-been, the should-have-been.
I'm still angry that I didn't get that. I am so flipping angry with myself and my HP that it didn't turn out to be a partnership, a family, a sheltering place of love and security. D-mn it! I deserve that don't I?! It hurts like h-ll to have to let go of what we wanted, even if it turned out to only be a dream.
*Sigh*
If you're not ready to file yet, you're not ready yet. You're looking at the reasons why and that's a HUGE step, no matter which direction you decide to go when you're done examining the problem.
Hugs.