And how is God handling it? He's left my exah to wander around in a dangerous city with no shoes...no ID...no money...??? THIS is His answer?...I'm really angry. I"m angry that I turned it over...finally and truly turned it over and left the care of my exah in God's hands...and this is where it leads him.
I know, seems weird, right? My brother is very mentally ill and homeless. But yes, this is His answer. When I let go, I also let go of thinking I ever had any idea what is "right" or "good" for someone else, or for someone else's life, or someone else's journey. This is not your journey; this is HIS journey. It's between XAH and HIS Higher Power. Not between you and your Higher Power. And not between you and his Higher Power. Keep your focus on your side of the street. Remember, nobody forced him downtown. These are his choices he is making. He must realize the consequences of his own actions.
My exah probably doesn't even know where he is.
I was that way once. I had to figure it out and find my way. So does my brother. So does your XAH. Feeling bad, guilty, or sorry for him is not going to help him.
And guilty. Because I could have gone out there to get him. I could have and I didn't.
Yep, you could have gone out there to get him. You still can if the opportunity presents itself. But you are just going to wind up right back here:
I can't help him. I've tried for years. You just can't help someone that doens't want help. What was I going to do with him? I've had him involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward twice in the past. They never diagnosed him. Once his psychosis passed,they realeased him. And then he wouldn't follow up with doctor's care...woudlnt' take the meds prescribed....
HE has to do what is necessary for HIS life. YOU have to do what is necessary for YOUR life. The guilt you allow yourself to feel and continue is part of what keeps you on the rollercoaster. You've chosen to STEP off the rollercoaster. That's actually the easy part. Now, you have to decide each and every day of your life, every morning when you wake up, whether or not you are going to step back on the rollercoaster today.
And now whatever happens is on me. That's how I feel.
It's good that you recognize how you feel. But you can CHOOSE what you accept responsibility for and what you allow others to accept responsibility for. I have to constantly remind myself of what is and is not my responsibility. And what is and is not my business.
(((hugs))) keep posting. You're doing great.