tjp, thanks for the bump. This has been a good read this morning.
Going back to the original post about pain and how you view it and how it effects you was awesome. At some point you have to accept the pain and move on. When I was in the Marines "good training" was training that taxed you to your limits both physically and mentally. You had to learn how to accept the pain of the current situation and move beyond it. We had a saying "Pain is weakness leaving the body". Sometimes you need to move through the pain to achieve the clarity that is on just the other side.
Accepting the fact that my relationship with my AW is over hasn't been my sticking point. That happened with her last binge and I finally moved out. Mine was accepting the pain that comes with introspection and healing. Up until a month a ago I would shy away from it. Since then I have accepted that pain as the cost of healing and I feel like I am coming out the other side for right now but I accept that I will have to go through this process again and again to get to where I need to be.
Take what you want and leave the rest.