Its so sad and frustrating to think we are just repeating the alcoholic behavior of our parents. But because you are here on SR and questioning your drinking and your history, aren't you already trying to break those patterns and make something different for yourself?
I think we can get confused by the question: what caused my drinking? Because there are so many theories out there. I believe very strongly in the genetic theory. You can't find too many people in my family who are not alcoholics. Alcoholism is unbelievably over-represented in my family through 5 generations.
I strongly believe in the disease theory as well. When I take a drink...something dramatic and radical happens to me that does not happen to normal people. I know that, because I have asked them, listened, researched and listened to my heart. I am not the same as them. Normal people don't have that radical shift when they take a drink. I do. I have had it since my first drink.
for that reason, I believe I was born an alcoholic. If my first drink was cataclysmic and normal people's first drink just made them silly...I will never be like them.
But...so what?
I also have a hard time thinking that "something" made me drink. If divorce, death in the family, loss of job, accidents, lost love, poverty...you name it, didn't cause "normies" to drink...then, how can I claim it was a natural reason for me to drink?
I love Lady Gagas song: "I was born this way".
I'm different. Is that so bad?