Does this fit here?
D5 had her last day of Kindergarten yesterday. Her teacher sent home all her work journals that she practiced writing in each day (about what she was thinking about, had done, liked etc...)
I thought I'd sit down after the girls were in bed and after laundry was done and after I'd done job searching and enjoy reading through them.
Instead I found myself bawling.
The Monday after AH went on a terrible bender over Veterans day weekend D5 drew an enormous RED sun with black rays pointing out like knives and wrote "I seed a sun making a loud noise". I am no art therapist but as soon as I looked at it I felt sick. It's a disturbing picture.
There are many happy low key pictures too but not a single one about doing something happy as a family. It's either I had fun with my mom or I like playing with my Dad and many many pictures of I was nice to my sister.
Something about the ones that she drew of she and AH bothered me too. There was this desperation/sadness in the things she wrote like she was writing what she WISHED was happening or what she longed for.
And then equally sad were the ones of she and I. I am drawn in lots of red and black (which my friend at work who is the school psychologist tells me is a sign of anger) and even though she's writing about happy things that we actually did together, I'm black and red. Now, granted I have black hair but still...
So, seeing that was a HUGE slap in the face about just how traumatized my kids have been bc of alcoholism in the home and it's all I can do to not sit here and bawl right now.