Nina...welcome!
My advice to you today is to breath. Take a moment to absorb all that you have come to realize recently and don't be in too big of hurry. The problems will not vanish tomorrow so you do not have to fix them today.
It sounds as tho you have a great relationship with your kids. And you are all open and honest. That is great! Education can help the difficulty in finding time for a meeting. There is alot of great reading out there...there is a Book Club that we are building at the top of this board. There is a thread on Nar Anon called Addictive Personality that is worth reading. Arm yourself with knowledge.
It may seem as tho you HAVE to do something today...but you have been dong this for awhile now...give yourself the gift of time to strenthen and educate youself so will never make a hasty decision that you end up regretting.
Hugs,
JT