TTM- Welcome
Well, I am in AA reluctantly at first, but everything else I tried failed me... so I thought, "why not, what do I have to lose."
We have many cliche's. The one that comes to mind to me now is another I heard again tonight and the last thing my councilor said to me before leaving treatment "Remember, this too will pass" and "Time takes Time."
None of us are on this forum and in other self-help recoveries because our lives were fabulous. Our lives sucked and we were sick. We can't shut the door on our past and take back many of the hurtful things we said or did. But if you are serious about sobriety and are ready to do whatever it takes to stay sober, you will find that you can soon sleep at night knowing you did your best, take a quick inventory, learn from what went wrong and grow!
With 3 days you've got a very good start. Many don't make it that far. You've shared on this board and tried to learn. Even fewer would make a comittment to take action. Good for you! Your brain and body are going to try to fight you for a little while. After a week sober I was having relapse dreams nightly for another two weeks. They subsided after a while, but I had another just the other night. Even in my dreams I feel disappointment in myself for my actions. Again -just our brains trying to make sense of it all. I'll bet even new vegetarians have hot dog eating dreams occassionally.
These early days will be very dynamic for you. A lot of things won't make much sense. You'll wonder if you're about to die or feel completely cured - sometimes within the same day, or hour, or minute.
My doctor also prescribed me some meds that really helped me in the first couple of days. She knows my drinking history very well since my wife works for her and was careful to give me something that would help but not also cause cross-addiction.
You've made it this far, now make the best of it. Can you find an outpatient treatment center that is highly respected? I walked out of one during the assesment because I realized they were more worried about getting a customer than treating my illness - I wanted inpatient because I knew I was that far along, they recommended IOP since they don't do inpatient.
I found making that action comittment very early on while I was still hard with shame and remorse made it even more real for me and my comittment was 100%. I learned so much, my body had a chance to heal in a safe place under qualified medical supervision.
Now, what are you going to the 3 days you have? That's 24 hours times 3. Making friends with others in recovery can be a great way start a sober life, and sometimes- a phone call to one of them when you feel like you are on the brink can turn a potential relapse into hope or just get you past that moment.
I'm in your corner. I've been doing a lot of reflection on my first week lately myself.
Peace and Strength to you, my friend,
-SPG