13th step
I'd like to offer an another perspective. Alanon 2 years. I've seen alanon members come into the rooms on the brink of seperation or divorce, they and their partners in many cases have made it to the rooms of recovery as a couple, but there has been some damage done. The first year of sobreity is just as hard as the last year out there. It is a huge adjustment period, and equally difficult on a couple. I've also seen members lonly members from the rooms hit on newcomers. In one case the guy was in for a week before a long standing woman member member of AA went away fro the weekend with him. So who do you blame? However, having seen alanon comes in angry, and a year later or a bit more, that relationship begins to heal, or is on the brink of healing. When you thirteenth step someone in a seperated position, you rob people and families of a chance to heal, dashing any new found ground they have made. On the other hand, in some cases people do come from long standing unhappiness and/or lonliness, I get it. Couples seperate for a while as sometimes recommended by the book of AA itself, some will reconcile, some will not. I do feel however that seperation in a newcomer situation wether the AA member or the family member is a newcomer, is not an excuse to rob these people of a fair fighting chance to let program work its magic. I
feel like you are damaging much more than just the potential individual. You are in fact also damaging AA and its reputation. I've also seen huge setbacks from this on the Alanon side. Meaning peopel who were doing well, in their own recovery in Alanon, just learning to trust, just beginning to "come around" "come back" get strong, totally obliterated in their own recovery by this type of behavior. These people are fed that it is their hope. They are told to trust. They are told to "give space" for the good of their qualifier. they do this out of love. When a situation like this occurs, they feel betrayed. You can say it's the individuals and not the program and in many many cases it is. Hell you cant stop them - all you can do is advise them. just another perspective.