Hi TTM - I could probably say that the majority of people here have some pretty hellacious memories of past actions and behaviors while we were tanked. The guilt, the shame, the regret, it can really become obsessive and all-encumbassing. I am sure everyone deals differently - but you can't beat yourself up over it. It's done - I made sure to apologize the next day (and there were plenty of those "next days") as shameful as I felt. Sometimes I was apologizing for something I didn't even know I did (someone had to tell me about it). I have some friends who stuck by me and some who didn't. What you are doing now is a positive step forward and hopefully eliminating those future episodes from occurring again. Don't dwell on it, it's not going to help you out. Look forward, try and stay positive and focus on getting well!!