Nina,
Welcome. In Al Anon you can learn sayings and slogans that can help you deal with your anger. One of the ones that has helped me is "You were doing the best you could at the time." It doesnt do ONE bit of good to beat yourself up over the past. All you can do is live one day at a time, and little by slow you will start to see subtle changes in yourself and your life. I join the others in recommending meetings if at all possible... and ala teen for your child. They are so helpful, and you'll find yourself surrounded by loving friends - or as one of my friends calls them, God in skin.
Keep coming back. We are here for you!
O59