New, lost and Grieving!
The 15th of this month will mark 7 months since my Fiance passed away! I miss her so much! Its so hard to accept such a tragedy that I wasnt completely aware of. My fiance worked in the medical Field. She was 36. Never smoked , didnt drink. She was always so focused on bettering herself and her profession. She wasnt reckless or wild. She wanted to be an over achiever. We where a couple for 13 years, all good years . We had 2 residences, a dog , land, many vehicles and toys. I always supported and spoiled her as best I could. I was preety much I guess Co dependent on her for my happiness. She made me feel complete. We didnt fight or argue , maybe we should have , but I let her have her way all the time. I was to passive I guess. Anyways maybe 2 years ago I had signs she might be doing some drugs. I asked her and she denied. I tried to watch her but we had different schedules so it wasnt possible. She had an issue at work and had to go see a Doctor. She was off work for 6 months under his care. I thought that maybe she would get the help she needed , if she had a problem. I thought all would be well. She started working again. I would ask her over the next 18 months if she was doing anything, and she would promise me she wasnt. I wanted to believe her. Our lives seemed to be going very well at this point. I was actually at the happiest I ever was in my life. Maybe I took life for granted and didnt focus on her and problem enough , but again I thought she was old enough and smart enough to make the best choices for her well being. I didnt want to treat her like an addict / junkie. She fooled me! She lied and in my eyes led me on thinking all was well. In november 2010 she passed away from an OD. I didnt know she was using drugs ! I asked her! I trusted her! She was smart! She knew too much about drugs, but some how that didnt help her. She succumed to the disease of addiction . An addiction that I wasnt aware of. An addiction that her family , friends and coworkers didnt know of. I just cant believe that everyone missed it . I trying to forgive her and myself . Im trying to understand that she didnt have a choice. That she had no control.