I may be totally off-base - so pardon me if I ramble. I have had similiar conversations and emails with my AH. I always hated them - and my reaction was to instantly shut down, go on the defense, and take his inventory right back (b/c that's what those emails are).
Nobody likes having their inventory taken. Not the alcoholics by their codie partners. Not the codies, but their alcoholic partners. Not the codies by their codie friends
(Heck, look through my posting history - I know I started one not too long ago about having my inventory taken!!)
Anywho, in general, our natural instincts are to shut down and get defensive and not "hear" what is being said. Now, that's not to say that we should believe everything that comes out of an As mouth - but I don't think it's good to dismiss everything they say just because they are an alcoholic.
There is truth to our codie behaviors and tendency - it's scary how similiar our character flaws are, the traits that are developed/learned because we have lived with/dealt with an alcoholic. It is true that we can be quite negative personalities, who spend A LOT of time focusing on everyone else, instead of ourselves. Our lives become off balance and unhealthy...
and the last person we want to hear that from... is the person we blame for making us that way. That's right... I said, the person we BLAME for making us codie.
This is where I am at in my recovery... trying to get over my need to blame my AH, my need for him to make amends... to realize that I (like it or not) willing participated in this dysfunctional mess we call our marriage. I have behavioral traits that are not healthy, he has pointed those out - and as much as I wanted to scream, "But that's all your fault!!!" - I don't. I know I have to keep focusing on me, stay out of him and his stuff.
As I focus on me, and AH focuses (well, for the most part!) on himself... the tension has subsided... things are generally going okay... and with a calmer attitude... I'm starting to accept that we just aren't suited for each other.