I have to say, some things, for me, hit the nail right on the head. SOME things. I wish I had written myself a letter like this, a couple of years ago.
"You really need to analyse yourself and endeavour to change the things that make you difficult to live with."
I had become so irritable and unreasonable that I didn't even want to live with me. I needed to spend less time looking at my exabf's faults, and take a look at myself. I was so busy throwing stones at his house, I couldn't see the cracks in mine.
"You have this blame mentality that permeates your whole life with you as the victim at the centre of it. Everything bad happens to (Kitty) but (Kitty) doesn't cause the bad things that happen to her. Don't read up on me but instead read up on your own need to control, your temper, inability to compromise, and why you seek martyrdom instead of making your own life a happy one."
Describes me to a T, before recovery. Especially the martyrdom part. Man I was so bad, and it was always everyone else's fault. When I finally started Alanon, and the steps, realizing I was the cause of so much pain in my life was devastating at first. Learning how to not let others take advantage of me, learning how to stop being a victim (and then a martyr afterwards) was incredibly difficult at first. I wasn't the one with the problems, they were! Seeing that both my misery and happiness revolved around what someone else was/wasn't doing was my first wake up call into the world of codependancy, and my first step towards change. My ex gave me the book, "Beyond Codependancy" (melody beattie) and at first I was absolutely furious. how dare he tell me that I have problems. But I did have huge problems, bigger than his. Acknowledging my part in those problems was the first step towards getting better. Great book, by the way.
Yeah, the rest of it is bull****. I'm so happy to hear that you cut the cancer of him out of your life! Most of all, THANK YOU for posting about your ex being dry for months and months but still being the same &&& he was when he was drinking. I see that fact explained to people on here all the time, and many insist that once someone stops drinking they turn into mr fabulous. Thank you for sharing your experience.
And thank you for sharing your success in weight loss!!!! That is soo awesome, you are really doing a great job of taking care of yourself, in so many ways. I don't even know you, and your post just made my day. **